Friday 5 January 2007

Piggie porn, out of left field

One minute, it's cute kids feeding the piglets; next minute, it's a live sex show out in the paddock, starring a poor fat sow at the mercy of a horny old boar.

We're at an auntie's farm just south of Auckland and I can't help shake the feeling (not for the first time) that being a female in the animal kingdom isn't worth two shits. Because, really, what's in it for the ladies? It's not like they get dinner, or a date, or any scintillating conversation out of the whole thing.

So I watch in fascination - trying not to be juvenile for the girls' sake - as the sow and the boar start going at it right in front of us, but my God, the boar cannot find where to put it and I collapse in giggles as he starts trying a whole new approach, doing a full 180-degree turn till he's in a piggie sixty-niner and banging away in her ear. Hump, hump, squeal! Hump, hump, squeal! She's clearly used to the humiliation, poor thing, and no doubt sneaking regular peeks at her piggie watch hoping it will all end soon. And the boar? Well he's a typical man if ever there was one: rubbing up against anything as long as it feels good!
I'm glad I'd already explained the facts of life to the kids but there's no explaining this boar's attempts to get lucky. Fortunately Annie and Molly let me off the hook - no questions, just giggles.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love the stories and the pics - please keep it up! Anne

Nancy Harper said...

thx Annie! See ya for reunion 2007!

Michelle said...

Okay, it's Saturday morning and you have me laughing so hard I'm crying! Just trying to keep Kayla focused on the photos so she doesn't read the words :).

Nancy Harper said...

Hey Michelle, believe me there were genuine tears of laughter for me too. Hump hump SQUEAL!!

Anonymous said...

Hi Nancy and Dougs. Its Kelly and Garry Ingram from Te Kohanga. Just had Colleen up to look through your website. Had a good laugh at some of the stories and pics. (particularly the sheep jokes) Would love your email address. Much to catch up on and many photos to show you. Can we arrange this?

Nancy Harper said...

Hi Kelly and Garry -thanks for that! I'll get Doog to arrange the connection. Would love to see your pics!